The first few days after the cancer diagnosis of your loved
one are the most confusing times of all. You are operating
on limited information, and you are both in shock.
Questions abound. Give yourself some time to adjust. Here
are some recommendations compiled by myself, and others
that will help you get through the first few days.
Acknowledge the News
Don't try to act as if nothing is happening. This is a
crisis and your lives will change. Give yourself some
slack. You may consider taking off work for a few days to
get your breath back or cancel routine plans.
Communication
You don't have to tell anyone right away. Give yourselves a
chance to digest this information without worrying about
how to share the information with others or worry about
what their reactions may be. There will be plenty of time
to deal with this later. If you decide to tell friends and
family, remember you are not responsible for taking care of
them if they are upset by the news. Consider asking another
family member or friend to call people you want to know if
you can't or don't want to talk to them right now. If you
need to be with family and friends, tell them so, if you
need to be alone, be honest about that as well.
Gathering Information
If researching online is stressful or frightening, don't do
it at first….or delegate it to someone you trust. You will
have plenty of time to learn more later.
Don't Rush Into a Treatment Plan
In most cases, you will have several weeks or even months
to make this decision. The only thing you really need to do
initially is to make sure you have the next medical
appointments set up….your next doctor's visit, and ideally
another visit for a second opinion. After these
appointments you will have the information you need to make
your treatment decisions. Write down all your questions as
you think of them, for your loved one's doctor, insurance
company, or employer. By writing these down you can release
these from your mind until they are answered, and in the
early stages of diagnosis, it's very difficult to keep all
of your thoughts straight.
Take Care of Yourself
Emotional stress is extremely exhausting. You will most
likely feel very tired for the first few days. Nap, or at
least lay down for awhile. Go to a movie or do some sedate
activity. Continue to exercise if that's part of your life,
if not, just go for a walk. It will clear your head and
make you feel better. Eat, even if you aren't hungry. You
have a journey ahead of you and you need to stay strong.
These first few days are often the worst as there is very
little information to go on and the emotional impact is
enormous. It's important to remember that you won't always
feel like this.
----------------------------------------------------
Jayne Hutchinson was immersed into a new world after her
husband was diagnosed with cancer. She found there was
little information and support available for spouses and
partners. She created the My Loved One Has Cancer web site
to fill that gap.This web site features comprehensive
resources and tools to make the cancer journey easier for
the spouse or partner of a loved one with cancer.
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