So, you've decided to give up.
You're fed up of all the diets that have promised you great
results yet left you hungry, tired, irritable and weak.
You're fed up of all the 'wonder workouts' that have
promised you amazing strength, fitness and flexibility 'in
just minutes a day' but that have left you feeling tired,
sore, stiff and, truth be told, no firmer or less flabby
than you were before.
But most of all, you're fed up of all those fitness
'experts' out there who tell you how easy it is, how little
time it takes and how amazing you're going to look if you
follow THEIR program (ONLY theirs, mind you, no-one else's
will even come near to what they're offering).
So you're quitting.
You're giving up the diet and exercise 'thing' and have
decided that you'll just go with the flow and see what
happens to your body when the experts aren't poking their
noses into your business and ramming their idea of healthy
down your throat.
What a great idea!
No more 'eat this' or 'don't eat that', no more 'don't
forget your cardio' or 'weights is better'.
In fact, no more interference of any kind from the
countless do-gooders who seem to think that it's ok for
them to advise, nag and bully you into following all kinds
of fat loss and fitness advice… as long as it's theirs.
Good on you!
But before you take the quitters route that most people
take, doesn't it make sense to quit in the right way?
Sure it does!
There's a science to quitting too y'know and I'm just the
person to share it with you : )
So here's the deal. If you want to quit and quit fast, if
you want to pack on pound after pound of soft, warm,
figure-blurring bodyfat then you've got to have a strategy.
You've got to have a plan.
MY plan is easy, straightforward and six-year-old-simple to
follow and consists of just seven rules that, if you follow
them, will guarantee you the maximum fat gain in the
shortest time frame.
It consists of just 7 rules
Rule one: Only eat processed foods
If you're truly serious about packing on some serious
fat-pounds, you'll follow this rule faithfully.
Without a doubt, processed foods are the No.1 friend to fat
due to their denatured, sugar-loaded and mostly synthetic
nature.
With most of the vitamins and minerals removed from
processed foods, the highly calorific and mostly
indigestible remain, creating a massive storehouse of both
calories and toxins for you to bury deep within your
already overloaded fatty tissues.
Better still, the toxic nature of most processed foods mean
that you'll gain not only fat but a whole lot of
subcutaneous water too as your body tries to 'dilute' the
impact of all the extra toxins you're holding onto, meaning
that you'll put on extra scale weight and look soft and
squidgy into the bargain.
Great stuff!
Rule two: Cram in as many starchy carbs as you can
Starchy carbs eaten in isolation or, better yet, with
sugary carbs are an absolutely fantastic way to accelerate
the battle of the bulge and gain both fat and body weight
at a more rapid pace.
Eating carbohydrates in isolation allows your hormones to
engage in a free-running form of guerrilla warfare where
insulin levels raise through the roof and, in doing so,
command your body to store fat.
A word of warning though; whatever you do, don't mix your
starches with fats or proteins. This reduces both the
amount and the effect of all that lovely insulin and will
definitely scupper your chances at serious fat gain.
Rule Three: Get to bed as late as you can
If rapid fat gain is your greatest desire, then make sure
that you get to bed as late as you possibly can, with the
ideal scenario being that you stay up so late every night
that you fall asleep on the sofa.
Doing This will ensure a steady supply of the stress
hormone cortisol into your bloodstream to help you break
down all that energy-consuming lean muscle tissue that's
slowing down your fat gain.
Just don't ruin the effect by getting to bed by 10:30 or
you'll find that the cortisol levels drop far too low to
cannibalise your muscle and you may even find that you lose
all your precious fat!
Rule four: Steer clear of water
Drink too much water and you'll not only do away with your
body's false food cravings (meaning that you won't eat
unnecessarily), but you'll also create a freer flowing
route for the digestion of the foods you've eaten.
Obviously, this is a bad thing as it means you won't keep
undigested foods in your stomach long enough for them to go
putrid and add to the overall toxic load on your system.
Remember, anything that speeds up your metabolism is bad!
Instead, use coffee, tea and soda to 'mix up' your
metabolism and increase toxicity.
Rule five: Don't forget the alcohol!
Alcohol is just about as pure a sugar source as you can get
and is absolutely jam-packed with calories that contribute
nothing to the function of your body.
Better still, alcohol adds to your toxic load meaning that
you'll hold a large amount of water too!
Rule Six Use the microwave for all of your cooking
Microwave's are great!
During the heating process they vibrate the molecules of
your food so fast that they actually change their
structure, meaning that when you eat nuked food, your body
has no idea about how to cope with them, let alone extract
nutrition from them.
This is fantastic for your fat gain quest because you'll be
adding to your toxic load AND creating a surplus of
non-nutritional calories, meaning that you'll get hungry
again very soon after eating and have another opportunity
to stock up on calories.
Rule Seven: Avoid all unnecessary movement
There's no getting away from it, movement of any kind costs
you valuable calorie-energy and robs you of the vital fat
building stores that'll be necessary for your quest.
Stay as still as you can to conserve as much energy as
possible and commit to using as many labour-saving devices
as you can find. Things like remote controls, stair lifts,
escalators etc all serve a valuable role in the creation of
your fat stores, so use them.
If you are forced to move, then whatever you do, don't
engage in any form of activity that might lead to an
increase in strength or muscle mass as this'll speed up
your metabolism and rob you of calories. Instead, engage in
steady-state, slow aerobic activities as these are energy
efficient and have the added benefit of increasing cortisol
and, in doing so, breaking down that calorie-robbing muscle
tissue.
So that's it!
Your seven rules that, if followed, will absolutely
guarantee that you pack on fat faster than you'd ever
believe possible and allow you to thumb your nose and poke
your tongue out at every personal trainer or diet guru who
ever promised you a rapid result from following their plans.
Follow just one or two of them for even a short time and
you'll see a rapid softening of the waistline and an
appreciable gain in scale-weight. Follow them all and
you'll gain so much weight that you'll be stunned by the
reflection staring back at you within a month.
Give it a go!
Note: If you're one of those wierdo's who feel that you'd
like to take the extreme approach of actually losing
bodyfat then just reverse the rules above to see equally
rapid fat loss… I don't know why you'd want to though!
----------------------------------------------------
Dax Moy is a performance enhancement specialist and master
personal trainer with studios in and around London.
Voted one of the UK's leading fitness experts, Dax is a
regular guest on TV, radio and print publications on the
subject of health, fitness and the performance mindset
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