Don't Take My Baby! (Why Many Adults with ADD Don't Watch Lifetime Movies)

Don't Take My Baby! (Why Many Adults with ADD Don't Watch Lifetime Movies)
There is one very specific type of movie that I just can't
watch because I get too upset. I call it a "Don't Take My
Baby" movie.

I'm sure you're familiar with this type of movie. The most
common plot line is: Couple finds out they can't have baby
and adopts. Couple loves baby very much and experience
great joy until baby's birth parents challenge adoption and
try to get baby back.

Other variations include:

* Gay partner dies and court won't allow non-biological
parent to keep the baby.

* Parents find out baby was switched at birth and isn't
theirs.

* Mother has been looking for missing baby for years, and
refuses to believe baby is dead. Mother finds baby, but
baby has a new life and doesn't remember mother.

* Father loves baby dearly, mother goes to jail, father
learns baby isn't really his and loses custody.

The plot possibilities for "Don't Take My Baby" movies are
endless. These movies are often, but not always, played on
the Lifetime network. (Otherwise known in pop culture as
"Lifetime Movies.") However, these plots can also be easily
adopted on network dramas, although they usually aren't as
emotional.

The problem with "Don't Take My Baby" movies is that I
can't handle them emotionally. I don't even have a baby
yet, but somehow the concept of having one's baby taken
away has driven me to hysterics ever since I can remember.

I fully realize that there is an element here that sounds
absolutely crazy and you may be wondering why I chose to
make this a topic for the newsletter. Well, believe it or
not, this does relate to adult ADD and here's how: adults
with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) tend to be extremely
emotionally sensitive. We often lose it emotionally over
sad movies, sappy commercials, or distressing news stories.

Sure, "Don't Take My Baby" movies are always meant to be
tearjerkers. But most people can have themselves a good cry
and get over it. Adults with ADD are often slower to bounce
back.

Because we have a high level of empathy and compassion, we
can take on the pain of others (real or scripted) to such a
high degree that it sends us down a path of extreme
emotional disturbance and spiraling negative thoughts.
This, in turn, leads to more stress and the potential to
become overwhelmed.

And, as I always say, the more stressed out and overwhelmed
you are, the harder it is to manage your ADD.

In order to avoid this scenario, we have to protect
ourselves with some solid boundaries. For example, I no
longer let myself watch "Don't Take My Baby" movies. I also
won't watch documentaries about genocide, sick children, or
people with terminal illnesses. I simply can't handle it
and I know that watching these things is guaranteed to send
me down a bad path.

You may find that in order to keep from falling into the
trap of extreme emotions, you need to:

* Avoid watching the news.

* Make certain types of movies or shows off-limits.

* Steer clear of certain topics of conversation.

And when all else fails and you find yourself empathizing
just a little too much, try to:

Remember that everyone has their challenges in life. You
don't need to take on someone else's in addition to your
own.

Talk out how you feel. Journal about it if you have no one
that you can talk to in the moment.

Explore what it is about someone else's situation that hits
you hard enough to be upsetting. Does it trigger a sadness
in you that you haven't yet dealt with?

Draw a line between "pity" and "empathy." Having compassion
and being able to imagine yourself in another's shoes is
very different--and much more helpful and productive--than
feeling sorry for them or taking on their pain.

Most importantly, remember that you can't effectively care
for others until you care for yourself. And this sometimes
means avoiding "emotional traps" on television or in the
movies.

So the next time you're flipping the channels and happen
upon a "Don't Take My Baby" movie, think of me bawling my
eyes out over a poorly-written and badly-acted movie. Then
change the channel.

----------------------------------------------------
Jennifer Koretsky is the Founder of the ADD Management
Group, Inc. and the author of Odd One Out: The Maverick's
Guide to Adult ADD. Jennifer and her team work with ADD
adults who are overwhelmed with everyday life in order to
help them simplify, focus, and succeed. For free resources
and information on adult ADD, visit
http://www.ADDmanagement.com .