Tonight was One of Those Nights

Tonight was One of Those Nights
Tonight was one of those nights. Our friend Michael, who
lives in Denmark, came over for a visit. We sat and talked
for two hours, and then we brought out the cake. It wasn't
a light sponge cake with confectioners sugar sprinkled on
it. It was the chocolate torte, layered with cake and
chocolate mousse. And I didn't just want one piece, I ate
three. Did I need three pieces? No, but for some reason,
I just wanted to eat three slices (and I ate one after
Michael left).

Once he was gone, and after that last piece of cake, I sat
and thought: tomorrow I'm going to skip breakfast. No, I'm
going to fast. No, I'm going to just have these meal
replacement bars and get rid of this heavy feeling I have
in my stomach as soon as humanly possible.

Then I realized-I'm not going to do any of those things.
I'm going to get up in the morning and eat breakfast and
move on with my day. I'm not going to fall into the "I am
fat and have to starve myself to lose the weight I just
gained" trap.

But you know, those thoughts were certainly crowding my
sugar laden brain cells! It's a purely emotional response,
and a trap so large that it is hard to miss.

See, intellectually I know I did not put on 5 pounds by
just eating three extra slices of cake. I know that if I
got on the scale tomorrow morning, it would show a weight
gain, but it's not a gain in fat. I haven't eaten those
extra 3500 calories that make up a pound of fat. But I
know it's hard NOT to think that I have done exactly that.

The point is- I don't eat like this very often. For
whatever reason (company, the glass of wine, or
just….because) I ate a lot of a cake tonight. I do know if
I kept up this type of behavior on a regular basis, of
course I would gain a lot of weight. For many years, this
was indeed the case. But for me, I can honestly say, this
is no longer my usual behavior.

It has taken a long time for me to get to this point-this
"being at peace with food." It took years of crazy
dieting, fasting, and punishing myself for overeating.
This went on until I finally declared a truce. Yes, it felt
like a war between myself and the food I ate. But now I
know I'm past that. As a matter of fact, I'd say it's not
a truce I've declared with food; rather it's a peace treaty.

I'm allowing myself to have this treat, for whatever reason
(time to stop obsessing, Leeann), and tomorrow I will get
up and move forward. I'm not going to be stuck in the "oh
I sssshould never have done this", or "I'm a bad person for
overeating, I have no control." I'm going to get up, eat
breakfast, and go to work. I know that I will do my best
to meet my walking goals (it's hard when the weather is
bad, but that's when I try to walk around my house)-and
just keep moving forward. I am going to wear clothing that
makes me feel comfortable, I'm going to feel good about
myself.

After all these years I have learned how to balance my
overeating with healthy eating, I now that regular activity
is part of my life (as well as healthy eating), and
regardless of what I eat, I am still a responsible, smart
(occasionally witty) person who is at peace with food.

Tonight I ate a lot of cake. And do you know what? It was
absolutely delicious!

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