I've seen some interesting news articles recently about
adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and the increased
stress that it causes in romantic relationships. If you or
your partner has ADD, then you know how very true that is!
Relationships require hard work to begin with, and when you
add adult ADD to the mix things only become more
complicated.
Here are a few tips that you can use in your relationship
to help keep your ADD from causing excess stress and
problems. We use these strategies in my house, so my
non-ADD partner and I have tested and approved each of
these tips!
Power Hours Help Create Balance
Rather than stressing about all the household chores, try
using "power hours." When the house is a mess and it's
driving you nuts, set a timer for an hour, split up, and do
as much cleaning and organizing as you can. On the weekend,
when there is more to be done and more time to do it, set
the timer for a couple of hours. Once the time is up,
relax! Don't be tempted to keep going. Pat yourselves on
the back for accomplishing what you did and then enjoy some
down time together.
Use the AIS Rule
There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in which
Ray became frustrated with Deborah's chronic lateness. He
declared an AIS (A$$ in Seat) time; if your a$$ is not
sitting in the car by this time, I'm leaving without you!
Now, I don't advocate leaving without your partner, but I
do think that AIS times are very helpful for ADDers. If you
and your partner have a dinner date, then your AIS time is
the absolute latest time that your a$$ need to be in the
car in order to get to the restaurant on time for your
reservation. You can then work backwards from the the AIS
time to determine how much time you need to get ready, and
what you may or may not have time to do before you leave.
It's best to let the non-ADD partner (if there is one) set
the AIS!
Take Care of Yourself
Your ADD (and thus your impulsivity, irritability,
disorganization, etc.) becomes more challenging when your
stress levels are high. When your stress levels are high,
your ADD is worse, your partner becomes more annoyed, and
your relationship suffers.
Recognize the fact that when you put yourself first, get
your own needs met, and allow yourself time to relax, your
relationship benefits. This applies to both ADD and non-ADD
partners.
Relationships, like individuals, are always a work in
progress. Small, positive steps can have tremendously
positive effects.
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Jennifer Koretsky is the Founder of the ADD Management
Group, Inc. and the author of the new book Odd One Out: The
Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. Jennifer and her team work
with ADD adults who are overwhelmed with everyday life in
order to help them simplify, focus, and succeed. For free
resources and information on adult ADD, visit
http://www.ADDmanagement.com . To learn more about Odd One
Out, visit http://www.odd-one-out.net .
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