We live in an unshockable society. That's what some people
would like to believe. If you're a liberal, you talk about
all the progress we've made and how far we've come since
the bad old days of the 1950s. If you're a conservative,
you talk about the licentiousness of modern Western society
and how we've come off the rails and gone wrong. Both sets
of people quote the same statistics, about marriage
break-ups and single parents, some seeing it as freedom and
independence, some seeing it as the breakdown of
civilisation. It's just a pity that both groups are wrong.
A recent radio feature proves that we haven't moved as far
as we may have either hoped, or feared. If you've ever
listened to 'Woman's Hour' on the BBC, you'll know that
they like to talk about women's issues and concerns. A
recent item concerned couples who were experiencing
problems having children. The interviewees were complaining
that they couldn't talk to the doctors. Now, you'd probably
assume that medical staff can be quite candid about human
relations. Well, it turns out that they get as easily
embarrassed as the rest of us. One husband said that he had
been asked if he was having intercourse 'regularly'. He was
baffled. After all, four times a year can be 'regular'. So
can four times a week! He didn't know what to say, and when
he asked for clarification, the fidgeting doctor changed
the subject. The next question was whether everything was
'all right in the bedroom'? What was he expected to comment
on? The décor? The medic refused to be more specific.
The conversation went nowhere and was totally
unenlightening.
A nurse was interviewed. She said that she had been trained
to offer counselling to couples who were having problems
having children. She said that the men and women she talked
to were relieved to be given the chance to discuss things.
Often, they had more questions than answers. They wanted to
know if they were doing the right things. The nurse
commented that she was able to help, because sometimes they
weren't. She said that she was staggered by the ignorance
of some people. How can that be, you may ask? After years
and years of lessons in the classrooms, how is it that some
people still don't know everything there is to know about
intimacy? Well, I remember my own experiences. In the first
year in High School we studied flowers and frogs, rabbits
and dogs. We then spent two weeks talking about how human
beings had babies. It all seemed a bit irrelevant to me,
but a year later my body started changing and I wanted to
know, everything. The information I had been given was
unhelpful and incomplete. I did what everyone else did:
completed my education in the schoolyard.
Nowadays we have the internet. I know that most people can
be shocked when they first get on-line by the graphic and
adult material that offers itself, often uninvited. I learn
to press the 'spam' button, but I admit that I've sneaked a
look at what's available, sometimes. One thought struck me:
if I had been able to see this when I was a teenager, I
would have had a lot less questions. In my day, we made
love in the dark and didn't talk about it. If I knew how
women's bodies were made and what they were meant to look
like, and what the average man looked like also, I would
have had a lot less to worry about. Still, that doesn't
seem to occur to most parents, that when their kids are
surfing the web, they could be looking for information and
enlightenment, as much as titillation. We assume that
today's teenagers know it all and need no help. It seems we
are wrong.
How ironic that the popular view of a growth in public
openness and freedom to discuss the most intimate details
of human relations, hasn't led to a true improvement in
knowledge or happiness. The fact is that the great majority
of people still find it difficult to discuss either their
relationships or their experiences, and that, despite the
upsurge in celebrity gossip and tittle-tattle. It seems
that the human capacity for hypocrisy has grown in
proportion to the changes in society. The modern public
persona of blasé, knowing cool hides the private life
of fear, embarrassment and ignorance, just like it always
did.
----------------------------------------------------
Mike Scantlebury is an Internet Author, who, as we all
know, are people who are easily embarrassed. He has written
many books and articles from his base in Manchester,
England, but doesn't like to talk about it. Well, you can
check out his writing at one of his many websites. Try
http://www.mikescantlebury.info
No comments:
Post a Comment