What's Eating Me?

What's Eating Me?
Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. It's nothing
serious-just a few changes about the changes I'm experience
as I umm, mature. But I know the routine when you first go
into the room, and for some reason, I'm not looking forward
to it. You know what they do-check your blood pressure and,
yes, your weight.

For some reason, I am just not looking forward to being
weighed, and I don't even know why I am thinking about it!
I feel so silly, because I talk to women (and some men) all
the time about how a single number is not that important.
It is important for me to help people understand that
weight is only a small part of who they are and what their
lives mean. We put too much importance on this single
number, and make such drastic judgments about ourselves
based on it. I want people to stop wasting their energy on
this and find other truly important issues with which to
spend their time. Like being with family, friends,
reading, living.

So what is bothering me? I don't even know what I weigh
these days. I am sure the doctor won't care, or even look
at the number, so what's going on?

I suppose this is where I must work on "practicing what I
preach." I truly believe that being at peace with food is
a long-term relationship that, like all relationships, has
its ups and downs. I think I must be in a down phase right
now, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I am more concerned
about why I am seeing the doctor, and it is easier to focus
on the weight. It's always easier to blame mood on weight
than to consider what is the real problem, right? It's
easier to think that personal or business relationships are
not going the way we like because we are fat, and unworthy
of attention. I have written in the past how I wasted time
worrying about my weight and missing out on visiting old
friends.

Perhaps the issue is that I am getting older, and am not
sure what is going on with my body. I mean, I do know that
bodies change as we age-I've read the books and even
volunteered at the organizations that work with these
issues. I know that I am going to keep coloring my hair
for the next gazillion years because I'm just not ready to
be gray. I know I can keep walking and watch what I am
eating to help reduce my risk for chronic illnesses like
heart disease and high blood pressure. But I also know
that I am getting to an age where my genes may start
pulling ahead of my personal effort to hold off these
changes.

You know, we may be on to something here. Perhaps it is
easier to worry about my weight than accept the fact that
my body is changing. Perhaps it is time to not just work
on being at peace with food, but also make the time to work
on being at peace with my body.

Say, thanks for helping me figure out what's eating me!

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