Here are the seven guidelines which will help you to change
your reaction to the past and regain the power to make
decisions to improve your life and lessen your stress.
* Step One: It is not as great a problem as you might
think. Look at it as merely getting ride of a computer
virus or throwing out an out of date packet of oatmeal. It
is merely a matter of sorting out the infected memory
boxes, washing down the storage shelves, replacing the good
boxes and making a fresh start.Your commitment to making it
work is the key.
* Step Two: This is the most important step. You must
decide very firmly to change your relationship with your
past. Accept that everybody has a past and what many
experienced was far worse than whatever happened to you.
We hear daily of people with a difficult history who have
succeeded in life. That is because they changed their
relationship with what happened to them. Instead of
concentrating on the failings of others and how bad other
people's behaviour made them feel they concentrated on what
they could do in future to avoid itt happening again. They
kept hold of the power to decide what happened to them.
Sometimes they merely decided to show their 'opponents'
that whatever the criticism being flung at them was not
true: ie they could succeed, they were not feeble, they
could be rich, they could 'make it' in whatever they
decided to do. To have power to decide how anybody lives
their life is everybody's right. You too must take back the
power in your life so that you make the decisions from now
on, not your past. Imagine how this will free you by
opening new avenues in life, improving relationships and
offering new exciting adventures
* .Step Three: Now is the time to ask yourself several
questions which at first may seem difficult to answer.
However you must not shy away from really trying and be
honest. Let us tackle, as an example, some of those things
or people you say you hate for what they did to you. Try to
analyse why you feel hatred and question whether it really
is hatred, or could it be something else? What emotion do
you actually experience when you think of hem?
* Step Four: Now it is time to make a list of all the
emotions you can think of: envy, jealousy, fear,
resentment, shame, loneliness, feeling abandoned and so on.
Were any of these the actual emotions troubling you when
you decided you 'hated' something or somebody? When
something terrible happened to you how did you really feel?
Next stop blaming ourself feeling that in some way you
deserved what happened. Instead let go of the bad feelings
and concentrate on the fact that whatever happened was in
the past – and that you are now in charge of how you react
to that.
* Step Five: You might at this stage be imagining the way
ahead might be too difficult. That is quite
understandable. Old habits die hard and allowing our past
to have power over our present has probably become a
habit. Like most habits it might be one which is not
easily broken. Sometimes like a gambler, a smoker, or a
drinker, we find it easier to take the well defined road
even though we know it will not take us to where we want
to go. We can be mpted to choose to stay as we are, to
continue to cause unhappiness for hose who care for us as
well as for ourselves. We continue to lose friends and
lovers, never to find new ones, to never be at peace with
ourselves. We might find it easier, even though we are not
happy, to remain on our currentt path and not to strike out
and take a few well chosen and really thought out risks. We
may prefer to continue hoarding the 'past their use-by
weevil ridden boxes' or 'continue using that virus ridden
computer'. Let's hope not and that you will move on
* Step Six: Spend an evening imagining how you will feel
when you succeed in quitting your old habits. Imagine the
glow you will experience when you can look into your
weevil free store cupboard and find only goodies. No
longer will you look back with a jaundiced eye. You will be
able to recall the joyful memories, and ignore the bad
ones. You will now see your garden as full of beautiful
flowers and shrubs rather than invading weeds. To
misquote a cliché: you will see the glass flowing overl,
never mind half full, rather than half empty. Consider now
all the benefits of continuing along the new path. No
longer will you expect to find a maggot in all your apples,
a caterpillar in every rose, a dragon around every corner.
You will see a potential friend in everyone you meet rather
than labelling them as a potential enemy. You will not
feel threatened by those you see as better educated,
richer, stronger or different in any way. You will see
them as interesting and as a possible enrichment in you
rlife.
* Step Seven: At this stage you may come up against your
greatest hurdle; it is one you absolutely must cross. This
is the need to accept that everyone – whoever they may be
– has memory boxes; and that many of these could be
creating problems for them (and you) in the same way yours
do/did for you. Now will be the time, having worked so hard
on yourself and your memory boxes and having cleared out
all the infected ones, to make a new commitment never to
allow anything which happens to you in the future to become
infected.
Only then will YOU really have taken back THE POWER which
is your right; THE POWER to make decisions on how you will
run your life in future and how you will react to whatever
happens to you - whether it be good or bad.
Good luck
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© Mollie Kay Smith
http://www.etribes.com/molliesmith
http://www.molliekaysmith.com
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